New to Queer Jesus?
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Hello and welcome to my sensuous corner of the internet!
I began writing queer holy family fanfiction in 2021, and I couldn’t stop. I started posting these stories to my website during Summer 2022 and in November of 2022, I decided to move my writing to Substack in hopes of reaching more eyeballs and bringing magic, levity, and entertainment to readers–and maybe also some gleeful healing to my fellow ex-catholic queers, witches, and sluts.
It’s 2023 and I feel as though I’ve got that sweet substack rhythm going for me, so I wanted to create a ~Queer Jesus Starter Pack~ post as a point of foundation and orientation for readers both new and returning.
Before I orient you, also note that I am a perfumer! I own and operate Hail Mary Perfumery. My shop and scent-sual magic are very much woven into these stories (as Mags is a perfumer, too), and I write occasional substack posts/letters that advertise my wares alongside the stories. You might call me the Witch of Fragrance and Fanfic.
Okay, here’s your starter pack ;)
For the most part, you can expect fanfiction on Tuesdays and Fridays (+Sexy Sundays for paid subscribers) each week.
My main characters are Jesus, Mary, Joseph (“Jo”), and Mary Magdalene (“Mags”). Luc, Lilith, Eve and Judas are strong secondary characters, with more characters to come. <3
A bit more on each of the mains…
Jesus, they/them. Nonbinary femme. Owns a shop with Mags called The Garden, which sells thrifted clothes, accessories and perfume. Jesus LOVES fashion–specifically, queer fashion– and flaunts a neon, maximalist aesthetic. Usually you’ll find Jesus in cut-off jorts, unbuttoned loud floral shirts, and one long, gold-glittering cross earring (the cross is upside down and Mary, their mom, has the other earring. She, too, wears hers daily). They have curly, dark hair and perpetually chipped nail polish. Big front gapped teeth, an occasional mustache. Messy, loud, friendly, outgoing. Always crushin’. Bday is 7/30. Leo sun, Aquarius moon, and Pisces rising. Mags is their BFF and their friendship is unshakeable.
Mags, she/they. Demi-girl. Creates perfumes for the Garden. Stripper on Saturday nights. Short curly blunt with curly bangs, always in black clothing with occasional pops of reds and purples. Moody and compassionate, esp if you’re in their inner circle. Introvert. Loves to experiment with makeup (practices on Jesus). Plays bass guitar in a punk band called Fallen Angels. (Luc joins as a guitarist/singer.) Loves horror movies (Jesus does not). Loves femme punk rock (listens to a lot of Big Joanie). Was very close with her father who died on 10/31. Has a hound dog named Abraham. Lives in an apartment on the main street, near the Garden, but often sleeps over at Jesus’s house. She calls Jesus, Jeje. Bday is 10/30. A Scorpio sun, Capricorn moon, and Aquarius rising.
Mary. she/her. Shaved head, always donning dark brown lipstick. Town herbalist and mystic. Jesus’s mom. Jo’s partner. Serene and very sure of herself. Loves tres leches cake. Loves the beach. Loves Jo. Holds excellent boundaries but is nurturing AF. Very into slow mornings. Bday is 7/1. Cancer sun and moon, Virgo rising.
Jo, he/him/they/them. Carpenter. Open, warm, quiet. Supportive. Flannel shirts, rough hands. Almost always in his woodshop, kitchen, or hanging with Mary. Mary rubs balm into their beard every evening. Gentle, messy, generous, invigorating. Loves to get people to play a card game with him (usually Mags). Maybe drinks a bit too much coffee and not enough water. Vegetarian. Mary calls them “oak daddy” because his woodshop has a giant oak tree in front of it and he uses oak in a lot of his work. Also, they love to spoil Mary. Bday is 12/5. Sagittarius sun, Cancer moon, Taurus rising.
Luc, he/him. Mysterious. Romantic. Very into vintage fashion. Signature piece: Levi’s bomber coat with fur collar. Wears it everywhere. Also wears lots of red. Thick, dark hair. Begins most of his days on the roof of his apartment. Carries a lucky penny in his pocket…loves the smell of copper. Bday is 5/6. Taurus sun, Capricorn moon, Aries rising.
Eve (they/them): Talks to trees. Down for anything and curious about everything. Loves the color green and almost always has an olive-green kerchief tied around their head or neck. Pixie haircut, lip ring, nipples pierced. Snake tattoo wrapped around left arm. Will pull you into a hug and you feel so comforted and like everything is going to be “okay.” Loves to trade. Baseball card for candy. Massage for love note. Dinner for dirty talk. Trading truly turns them on. In love with Lilith. Flirts with everyone. Always looking to book lunch dates with friends. Taurus sun, Sagittarius moon, Cancer rising, Gemini venus.
Lilith (she/her): A hottie. Typically reserved but when she speaks, it’s with intention and impact. Huge tattoo of a phoenix on her back, small tattoo of apricot on her wrist. Is the friend you go to to be reminded of how powerful you are. Will probably not hug you unless she really likes and trusts you. Loves horses. Excellent at pool, will crush you. Orange is her favorite color. Always has a lighter on her, but doesn’t smoke. In love with Eve. BFFs with Luc. Licorice is an awesome flavor–will die on this hill. Sagittarius sun, Aries moon, Aries rising, Virgo mercury.
Judas, or Jude (he/him), has curly dark hair that he tucks behind his ears. There is a chunk of silver that swoops along the left side. His right eyebrow is pierced, and raises often alongside the corner of his mouth, in a roguish, flirtatious style. He works at 3 Wise Babes, the one and only occult shop in Edentown. He specializes in creating herbal smoke bundles, particularly floral ones for love and romance. He also leads witchery workshops and paints sigils on the walls of the shop. He loves the color purple, and often has his nails painted in different shades of purple. He is a bisexual Virgo trans man with a tender Pisces moon, and a Sagittarius ascendant. He loves gifting, complimenting, bestowing admiration. He has a reverse praise kink. Truly a fluent language, Judas will always come thru with an excellent gift, merging thoughtfulness with creativity.
The main setting is “Edentown,” which is an idyllic old-town filled with Victorian houses and features a quaint main street. If you’ve been to Shephardstown, WV, that’s what I’m imagining here.
I write in current time in a vignette style, so we hop around between stories and development.
Thank you for immersing yourself in this queer, sensual, erotic, soft, hopeful world I’ve built! I am excited to bring you more fanfic (and fragrance) in 2023 and I’m honored and humbled to have this readership.
Pictured is a vibrant digital collage created by Mary Adelle, featuring florals, pinks, reds, purples, and newspaper cut-out lips and eyes. In glowing purple text are the words “Queer Jesus.”
Thanks for reading this installment of Queer Jesus, y’all!
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Be back soon with more fanfic. <3