i love the lube center
i love how hot and nice and maybe gay? everyone is. i love the lush pothos that hang from the ceiling. i love when they ask me for my tire pressure because the answer is 33 and i love feeling smug about my tire pressure being an angel number. i love when they say “we topped off your windshield wiper fluid” because it feels like an added luxury. i love sitting there for 20 minutes, being a voyeur to oil and sweat and hands and mechanical expertise. i love hearing “everything looks good” at 198,952 miles, adding to my smugness because i know i take exquisite care of both my car and my teeth. i love the car wash coupon i get at the end of service. i love that the car wash is across the street. i love the little windshield sticker that notifies me of my next needed service. i love following this little rule, down to the mile, like a good girl.
HOT HONEY ANNIE
Tell us about you, hot honey!
Annie, New Jersey
2024 summer bop?
Pink Pony Club—Chappell Roan
What’s a scent you love that you associate with summer? What does summer smell like?
Saltwater air and sunscreen! So delicious.
Beach read you have devoured this or past summer?
Root Fractures: Poems by Diana Khoi Nguyen.
Article of clothing or accessory you rewear all summer? Outfit you love? Anything about your summer style that the people should know?
Love being able to wear my rainbow Tevas paired with my black short overalls (shortalls?). I just feel so “myself” in that outfit.
Which are you: A/C slut or sunkissed and sweaty slut?
A mix of both (extra slutty)! I love being sunkissed & sweaty, but need some kind of body of water to cool off in, and the chill of the A/C feels nice to fall asleep in.
Ultimate summer food/snack?
A big bowl of ice cream! There’s a place near me that has a homemade lavender lemon blueberry seasonal flavor and it’s divine.
Movie you watch every summer?
I am not a movie person. :(
Summer activity you have to do every year?
Go to the shore or beach at least once!
Beach babe? Cabin cutie? Home honey? Road trip angel?
Beach babe for sure.
What gets you hot about summer?
The sun staying out later and more outdoor activities like pools, farmers markets, etc.
What’s a sweet-as-honey memory you hold?
Any trip to the OBX with my dad’s side of the family, or pool parties with my high school friends.
How do you take your water in the summer?
With ice, lemon, and mint. So refreshing.
SMUTSCOPES: tool for full moon intoxication
[I recommend reading for your rising and/or sun sign]
Aries
GET READY AND HOT WITH FRIENDS.
Taurus
DOMME ENERGY.
Gemini
TASTE IT. TOUCH IT. WATCH IT.
Cancer
LET THEM TAKE CARE OF YOU…TWICE.
Leo
PDA PLEASE.
Virgo
MASTURBATION AS PRODUCTIVITY.
Libra
READ HOT FANFIC.
Scorpio
CUM AGAINST FRONT DOOR.
Sagittarius
FANTASIZE ABOUT HOT (REAL OR FAKE) NEIGHBOR.
Capricorn
PAY YOURSELF IN PLEASURE.
Aquarius
SKINNY DIP SOLO.
Pisces
COLD, WRINKLED SHEETS.
HOT HONEY JOSIE
Tell us about you, hot honey!
Josie, PA, A Captivating Capricorn (no real bio lol)
All-time summer bop?
Slide—Clavin Harris, Frank Ocean, Migos (It's such a chill summer song! Love to blast it in the car during a sunny drive.
2024 summer bop?
Florida!!!—Taylor Swift and Florence Welch (I mean the energy. How can you not want to pack up and bury those regrets in Florida!!!)
What’s a scent you love that you associate with summer? What does summer smell like?
An oldie but a goodie; Bath and Body Works Cucumber Melon. That is literal summer in a bottle. It's fresh, clean, and crisp. The only thing missing is the ocean breeze. I'm pretty sure I've kept a bottle handy since high school lol.
Article of clothing or accessory you rewear all summer? Outfit you love? Anything about your summer style that the people should know?
CROCS. I couldn't even pick a single pair. Those are the go-to shoes of summer. From Crush Clogs to Baya Platforms. The Baya hot pink and white platforms will absolutely see the sun weekly. My summer style is quirky, comfy and versatile.
Which are you: A/C slut or sunkissed and sweaty slut?
AC Slut absolutely, I'm only sweating for fun.
Ultimate summer food/snack?
Hot Honety Pringles have been hitting the spot!
Movie you watch every summer?
The Parent Trap with Lindsey Lohan. Something about sending the girls to the same summer camp, fine ass Dennis Quaid, and me questioning was his publicist really the villain…
Beach babe? Cabin cutie? Home honey? Road trip angel?
Home Honey, slather me up.
VENUS WUZ HERE
[outfit of the week]
Got brunch, drank wine, and wrote a poem in this cute lil’ number. Rented the flowy dusty rose pants from nuuly and didn’t expect to like them as much as I do!! Paired with a white tank that is slightly see-through and my huaraches. Styled with new copper highlights!!!!!!! Thanks Danielle. <3
Thanks to Annie and Josie for their hot honey goodness. And to all of you for reading Queer Jesus. Until next week. <3
P.S. ICYMI, there’s a Hot Honey Summer playlist cooked up for your listening pleasure: